Ice

In winter now there is a thaw.
I long to believe it all.
But there's no trust in me for what appears the sun.
I remember what I have done.

I remember where we come from

The pressure of a name...

Reading your mind with that name as a backdrop is at best bittersweet now.
And I cannot relate to others how painful a hole you have left here.
I think about what I killed, and feel less cocksure of my actions with each passing meet.
But feeling loss angers me, as you don't feel at all.

I am alone in this.
And lonely here.

On timetravel

If I had it to do over, something weird must have happened.
Right?

The reality

Most days I just am.
Not really aware of being.
Too busy actually being to pay it any mind.
But some days reality sets in with a vengeance.
The consequences of my actions thundering in my head, drowning out the monotony of everyday.
And setting my mind alight with fear.
Making me pine for the status quo.
Making me forget that my fear is really that of the monotony.
Making me see the end of me and all I hold dear.
Making me push forwards against my will and better judgement.

Most days I am autonomous.
Today I just need to be held...

the paradox you

Having broken your heart, I have made my life less worth
I miss you